On Her Majesty's Secret Service
by John Bigboote
Summary: The darkest and most depressing ending I've ever written.


"_I have crossed oceans of time to find you."_

\- Count Dracula

"_I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!"_

\- Beetlejuice

* * *

"Seiya, it hurts…" Tiana playfully whispered as her chrysanthemum-scented hair tickled his nose. "It hurts how much I love you."

He was lying in the princess's bed with his love curled in his arms. The room was dressed with a bright amalgamation of royal insignias and religious symbols. The sheer curtains were drawn so the warming rays of the morning sun shined on the priestess and her husband.

Seiya brushed his hand through her long reddish-brown hair and traced his fingertips down her back. The sunlight pouring over the bed added a faint golden aura to her hair that made her look almost like a goddess. "_Mm…_" she purred as she gently kneaded her fingers against the threads of his pectorals like a kitten with yarn.

"I'm begging you…" Seiya murmured jokingly into her ear. "Please don't scratch so hard. You'll make me stop itching for you."

Tiana smirked softly as she wrapped her arm around his chest. She wanted so much to hold herself closer to him, but one tragic detail stopped her from getting as close as she would have liked: The size of her bulging belly.

This wasn't the first time she was swollen with Seiya's child. Their daughter Kiriko had been born happy and healthy almost two years ago. Now the princess was carrying a son. She had decided she was going to name all of their children with the naming conventions of the father's world. As much as he thanked her for always being there to heal him, she knew all of Ixphoria would be drowned in an ocean of demonic hellbeasts by now if it weren't for him. Her world owed its entire salvation to his.

The princess of the Termine kingdom stretched sluggishly in Seiya's arms and yawned in a voice so relaxed it was barely audible. Her drowsy movements and peacefully quiet demeanor were indicative of someone under the effects of mild sedation. On the dresser near the bed, there was a small saucer holding an empty teacup from the night before. The medicinal mortar was decorated with mint leaves painted along its porcelain lip.

The tea was a special delicacy her servants made for her at least twice a day. The natural herbal formula was perfectly safe for the mother to drink and gentle on the baby. She was the court healer, but when she was carrying Seiya's child, she got to relax so the other physicians and mages could work their own miracles on her. A single cup put all of her worries to sleep, cleansed her blood, reduced her morning sickness, relaxed the walls of her womb, strengthened her back, and soothed all of her cramps and aches for hours so her body would be the perfect home for a child to grow. And nothing made the princess happier than knowing her baby was growing bigger and stronger with every passing day.

When she sipped the tea at night, its gently clouding effects on her mind lasted all the way into the next morning. Her perception was just hazy enough that she felt like she was living in a dream as she nestled in her husband's arms. She knew she was safe with Seiya watching over her while the potion worked its tranquilizing effects and she happily let her grip on reality slide away. He was always the most alert when she was the most vulnerable.

Despite having no need for ladies' medicine, Seiya was well familiar with the tea's taste and scent, and he could always sense when the sweet-flavored drink was lingering on Tiana's breath. Every time she was prescribed another cup, he would check it for poison just to be safe. He was her personal retainer, her most highly honored knight, and her bodyguard. If there was one thing he had learned after the narrow victory over the Demon Lord, it was to be cautious. Overly cautious. The days of his party winning every conflict by the skin of their teeth and then joking about how they won in such rough shape were long over. Seiya couldn't risk living like that now that he had a wife counting on him and children in tow.

The world being free of demonic tyranny gave him a reason to finally slow down and act more carefully. He'd gladly left his own world behind so he could stay in Ixphoria with Tiana and ensure no harm could ever come to her again. When they used to adventure together, they barely had enough time to settle down and recuperate before Seiya charged the party into their next battle. Now they had all the time in the world.

The king and queen adored Seiya as well. They were proud to have him as their son-in-law… after berating him for bringing their daughter all the way into the Demon Lord's lair while she was already pregnant with Kiriko and almost having the whole thing end in catastrophe. The young couple were put under house arrest almost as soon as they returned victorious. _"Congratulations. You're married. Now you're getting locked away in the princess suite until the wee one is ready to come out without any demon's help. We'll send maids every day at noon and dusk to make sure Tiana is taking her Mother's Malt so she gets all the rest she needs." _All things considered, she couldn't have asked for a nicer punishment.

Jumping ahead two years, Seiya was now 18 while Tiana was 19. With several older brothers and sisters making up the line of succession, Tiana and her husband had only marginal political influence. The princess's only real responsibilities were administering religious blessings and ensuring the family line continued in abundant numbers. Every now and again, the goddess Aria would visit them from the Divine Realm and offer her help, and Seiya responded the same way every time. _"Want me to see if I can bail you guys out?"_ she'd ask. Seiya would tuck his nose in Tiana's hair and reply _"From what? Paradise?"_ Aria would shrug and roll her eyes in defeat.

Tiana knew Termine would always be safe as long as the most famous hero on the planet was her protector, and her husband. The princesses of the other kingdoms in Ixphoria were sure to be immensely jealous of her, but she would never brag over it. The nobility and the clergy of her country had both brought her up to be humble. The only crown this princess wore was her priestess mitre and the tiny loving kisses her husband left on her forehead.

She giggled drunkenly through her purring breaths. Her eyes sparkled like emeralds as she looked at Seiya with a dazed but almost mischievous grin. He sighed as he smiled back at her, feeling himself being infected by her charm.

"What's got you so giddy this morning?" he whispered to his soulmate.

"Hoshi's letting me know he's really hungry," Tiana said as she patted the cheerful bump on her belly. "I can't wait to see what's for breakfast."

* * *

_Author's note: I think the moral of this story is Tiana can be pretty based when you just let her gestate without the fear of strange creatures eating her babies.  
_

_Author's note 2: When I said the princesses from the neighboring countries are jealous of her, I meant minus the part where she was nearly killed by having her unborn child devoured straight from her womb so she could be offered up as a sacrificial mother who'd give the demons the power to conquer the whole planet. I'm pretty sure most women would prefer to skip that part of the romance. Tiana's rivals are big on "Snuggle up with the most popular hunky guy in the world and have lots of his children to help your kingdom flourish for generations." They're not so big on "Same thing but now you're in a death shrine and your belly is an oven for demon food." _

_Author's note 3: Tiana's parents weren't mad at Seiya for recklessly getting Tiana pregnant while they were romancing during their quest. In fact, they were probably saying "Oh, that's sweet. We were starting to get worried that little geek was never going to find a man of her own." Where the parents have a problem is the aforementioned thing where their kind-hearted daughter and grandchild almost became monster snacks right there in the final boss room.  
_

_Author's note 4: Why does the potion strengthen her back while putting pretty much every other part of her body in La-La Land, you ask? Well, there's a reason for that. When you're waddling around all day with a chubby baby belly and big milk boobs, it's good to have extra back support.  
_


End file.
